This is a true story. The first time I got drunk I was downtown in Chicago guzzling a cheap bottle of Dimitri Vodka and a bottle of Arnold Palmer at the same time. One thing led to another and I was doing clapping pushups in a cheap apartment lit by blue and red lights with CKY videos playing on the tv. I woke up incredibly hungover, and lost the keys to my Mother’s car which I was borrowing. I found the keys eventually, but lost my dignity and I still haven’t done a sober push up till this day.
